Lately feels tat life is so meaningless... But dun worry, will not do anything to stupid or do something to hurt myself... coz doing all tat also seems meaningless... since no one will care. juz realise my previous post is juz pretty words... i cant seems to use them on myself... wadever i do oso wann complain or pour cold water on me... buy/read/collect manga is my only hobby, also dun allow me to collect. dun seems to understand y. but i know i have spent alot on it, but is now like i use it to buy something bad..... maybe... maybe... i should use it to buy cigarette or maybe event drugs... use more can die earlier oso zzz... don't know wad i want... moody swing very badly. can almost every night cry... dun ask me y... coz not even myself knows the ans... i really dunno wad i want anymore... do things for the sake of doing, work for the sake of working being alive for the sake of staying alive... really meaningless... i am tired... really tired... can't move on anymore... i dun wann to move on... i want things to stay as it is... but can't... everything, everyone is moving forward but i dun seems to be moving... i am stuck... i've forgotten wad is confident, wad is trust , or maybe i've forgotten wad is love... i feel so frustrated... i want to vent out my anger but dunno how... so i keep everything in... but i dunno how long can i keep this.. i am not a talking person... but i know wads happening around me... i know and can feel that my fren are down... bt i dunno how to cheer them up... and i know tat if they r down, i cant be down too...so... i've decided to be the funny one then... talk something stupid or say something funny to let them juz to smile... but then this make me neglect my feelingss... coz all i ever thing is how to make them smile, how to make them happy... by normal i am ok... but... if something happen not the way i want i will feel very emo... i feel useless, i cant help my fren slove their problem, i can even slove my own problem, which is i dun even know wad it is... useless me... scared this scared that, dun dare this dun dare tat... when? when? when? when will i dare to take the 1st step out... i dunno... stupid me zzz so useless...